Saturday, March 31, 2007

boring

went for dance training this morning.. tired.. the warm up can already make me tired.. haha.. old liao.. Anyway, it's fun... getting more fun.. yet the training will stop till next semester.. Sian.. Next week got "party". I think is potluck session or wat.. for the dance group. Us, junior is invited.. erm.. dunno should i go or not.. cos, i dun even know anyone.. haha.. mayb go have some bonding session with the seniors? haha.. go see pretty girl.. haha.. ok. crap..

Anyway, nothing much happened for me for the past few days or weeks. Normal stuff like playing my new hobby with my bro - tennis.. What else did i do? hmm.. stone at home. haha.. okok.. it's not very busy for me.. Don't intend to find job liao. slack all the way..
Next week having camp for TP orientation.. tues - thurs.. After which, friday there's a TPSD freshman orientation/graduation and I'm being asked to be emcee.. again.. lol.. last time ITESD oso ask me be emcee.. Do I look I'm good at talking? well, i do talk alot.. haha...

I need cash.. running low on cash.. blame myself for not being hardworking enuff to find job. haha..sian.. i still got many many things i want buy/do..
Stuff like: digital camera, laptop, go overseas(planned everytime, end up nv go. -.-')
The worst is, i dun have pocket money.. argh... WHY... why ikea put me aeroplane. at first tot can earn some gd money.. den.. argh...

ok. i shall stop blah blah here.. takecare and smile everyone. stay healthy...

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I'm utterly lost of word...

just simply....lost....

how i wished...but....

time proven....yet....

fool again...

silent me....tears...

i....tried...

and...i'm...just...down...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

What is happiness?

"You will never find happiness if you don't challenge your weaknesses and change yourself from within"

What is the purpose of life? It is to become happy.Whatever country or society people live in, they all have the same deep desire: to become happy.

Yet, there are few ideals as difficult to grasp as that of happiness. In our daily life we constantly experience happiness and unhappiness, but we are still quite ignorant as to what happiness really is.

A young friend of mine once spent a long time trying to work out what happiness was, particularly happiness for women. When she first though about happiness, she saw it as a matter of becoming financially secure or getting married. (The view in Japanese society then was that happiness for a woman was only to be found in marriage.) But looking at friends who were married, she realised that marriage did not necessarily guarantee happiness. She saw couples who had been passionately in love suffering from discord soon after their wedding. She saw women who had married men with money or status but who fought constantly with their husbands.

Gradually, she realised that the secret of happiness lay in building a strong inner self that no trail or hardship could ruin. She saw that happiness for anyone -- man or woman -- does not come simply form having a formal education, from wealth or from marriage. It begins with having the strength to confront and conquer one's own weakness. Only then does it become possible to lead a truly happy life and enjoy a successful marriage.

She finally told me, "Now I can say with confidence that happiness doesn't exist in the pas or in the future. It only exist within our state of life right now, here in the present, as we face the challenges of daily life."

I agree entirely. You yourself know best whether you are feeling joy or struggling with suffering. These things are not known to other people. Even a man who has great wealth, social recognition and many awards may still be shadowed by indescribable suffering deep in his heart. On the other hand, an old elderly woman who is not fortunately financially, leading a simple life alone, may feel the sun of joy and happiness rising in her heart each day.

Happiness is not a life without problems, but rather the strength to overcome the problems that come our way. There is no such things as a problem-free life; difficulties are unavoidable. But how we experience and react to our problems depends on us.

Buddhism teaches that we are each responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness. Our vitality -- the amount of energy or 'lifeforce' we have -- is in fact the single most important factor in determining whether or not we are happy.

True happiness is to be found within, in the state of our hearts. It does not exist on the far side of some distant mountains. It is within you, yourself. However much you try, you can never run away from yourself. And if you are weak, suffering will follow you wherever you go. You will never find happiness if you do not challenge your weaknesses and change yourself from within. Happiness is to be found in the dynamism and energy of your own life as you struggle to overcome one obstacle after another. This is why I believe that a person who is active and free from fear is truly happy.

The challenges we face in life can be compared to a tall mountain, rising before a mountain climber. For someone who has not trained properly, whose muscles and reflexes are weak and slow, every inch of the climb will be filled with terror and pain. The exact same climb, however, will be a thrilling journey for someone who is prepared, whose arms and legs have been strengthened by constant training. With each step forward and up, beautiful new views will come into sight.

My teacher used to talk about two kinds of happiness -- 'relative' and 'absolute' happiness. Relative happiness is happiness that depends on things outside ourselves: friends and family, surrounding, the size of our home or family income. This is what we feel when a desire is fulfilled, or something we have longed for is obtained. While the happiness such things bring us is certainly real, the fact is that none of this lasts forever. Things change. People change. This kind of happiness shatters easily when external conditions alter.

Relative happiness is also based on comparison with others. We may feel this kind of happiness at having a newer or bigger home than the neighbours. But that feelings turns to misery the moment they start making new additions to theirs!

Absolute happiness, on the other hand, is something we must find within. It means establishing a state of life in which we are never defeated by trials, and where just being alive is a source of great joy. This persists no matter what we might be lacking, or what might happen around us. A deep sense of joy is something which can only exist in the innermost reaches of our life, and which cannot be destroyed by any external forces. It is eternal and inexhaustible.

This kind of satisfaction is to be found in consistent and repeated effort, so that we can say, "Today, again, I did my very best. Today, again, I have no regrets. Today, again, I won." This accumulated result of such efforts is a life of great victory.

What we should compare is not ourselves against others. We should compare who we are today against who we are yesterday, who we are today against who we will be tomorrow. While this may seem simple and obvious, true happiness is found in a life of constant advancement. And, the same worries that could have made us miserable can actually be a source of growth when we approach them with courage and wisdom.

One friend whose dramatic life proved this was Natalia Satz, who founded the first children's theatre in Moscow. In the 1930s, she and her husband were marked by Soviet Union;s secret police. Even though they were guilty of no crime, her husband was arrested and executed and she was sent to a prison camp in the frozen depths of Siberia. After she recovered from the initial shock, she started looking at her situation, not with despair, but for opportunity.

She realised that many of her fellow prisoners had special skills and talents. she began organising a 'university', encouraging the prisoners to share their knowledge. "You. You are a scientist. Teach us about science. You are a artist. Talk to us about art." In this way, the boredom and terror of the prison camp were transformed into the joy of learning and teaching. Eventually, she even made use of her own unique talents to organise a theatre group.

She survived the five-year prison sentence, and dedicated the rest of her long life to creating children's theatre. When we met for the first time in Moscow in 1981, she was already in her 80s. She was as radiant and buoyant as a young girl. Her smile was the smile of someone who has triumphed over the hardships of life. Hers is the kind of spirit I had in mind when I wrote the following poem on 'Happiness'

A person with a vast heart is happy.
Such a person lives each day with a broad and embracing spirit.
A person with a strong will is happy.
Such a person can confidently enjoy life, never defeated by suffering.
A person with a profound spirit is happy.
Such a person can savour life's depths while creating meaning and value that will last for eternity.
A person with a pure mind is happy.
Such a person is always surrounded by refreshing breezes of joy.


The above essay was written by Mr Daisaku Ikeda. President of the Soka Gakkai International.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

no job.. argh.. ikea cheated me.. jobless..
been doing nothing everyday.. lazy to find job. haha..
but not really do nothing bah.. went to play tennis last tues, friday n this monday. haha..so healthy..haha.. nv went for dance training last sat. since i dunno about it.. Argh.. nv inform me..

I still want to go sun tanning. nv had a chance yet though i'm very very free.. haha.. so sianz.. nothing to do.. tml go a dance workshop. think i'll go.. but have to pay 8bucks.. woah liao.. no money liao.. keep pay money.. sat got meeting, at syc.. sun got discussion meeting.. wat else.. seemed alot of things but not alot.. lol.. ok.. think i'm bored till crazy liao.. shall stop here.. nothing else. bye..

Thursday, March 15, 2007

This video is sad.. Treasure those you really love before it's too late..

the results

14/3/07
Just gotten my result via sms this evening.. I tot it was tml...

NETFUND : B+

WEBAPP2: A

EMATHS2: B+

PSPS: Pass

OOP: A

TELESYS: A

Japanese: B

over all gpa is 3.73. sian half half.. dropped by 0.02.. lol.. all blame to myself.. flung my netfund main paper.. lol.. but to my surprise.. telesys got A. actually i knew i could score A, cos i know how to do the paper.. ok.. that's about it.. must work harder next term.. so that gpa will increase..

to those who didnt do well, dun frown.. work harder and definitely you will get wat you want.. smile everyone.. :)

end..

Saturday, March 10, 2007

tired

09/03/07
had a healthy plus tired day..
Early in the morning 8 o'clock.. this sounds old.. well, anyway, met up with Boon first for breakfast before we went for our game session. Eh.. dun mistaken, not mahjong game session early in the morning, it's exercise..

Reach sch around 9plus.. den start play Tennis. First time all of us try tennis. It's Fun.. Going to play it again.. After tennis, went on back to the hall for badminton.. Wasn't we healthy? early morning play 2 games.. haha.. tired but, well, worth it..

I still dunno what could I work as.. omg.. Just think of it, makes me think of the future, what can I work as after my NS.. must start planning.. Hopefully there's job around for me.. no need serve customer is best. haha..

ok.. shall stop here.. nothing else to bullshit.. haha.. feeling abit emo recently.. haha.. no sad emo.. but confused emo.. anyway.. smile everyone.. :) takecare..

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Enjoying life..

yesterday went karaoke session at Katong complex.. very cheap.. 35 dollar for 1-7pm. Meaning 6 hours for that amount. haha.. 5 person went, so each 7 dollar. cheap... I like... haha..
After singing went to "Xiao Bao" for steamboat at bugis.. from 7plus eat till 10plus. and after steamboat went to near by for desert. Ordered mango with sago. not bad.. but too sweet.. haha..

Nv go book basic theory yest, but went today.. so will be taking basic during May. that's long.. sian.. nvm, not in rush.. after that went for lunch at bedok den head down to Boon's house for mahjong session. Woah.. keep playing mahjong. Addicted. lol.. anyway, everyone was tired due to "hangover" of yesterday.. stopped around 5 pm just now..

Time to find work.. no money liao.. hahahah.. any job lobang people?
Takecare and smile always..

Monday, March 05, 2007

holiday..

ok.. let's do some updates.

exam finished last wed. so happy.. but still worried bout the results. well.. pray for the best..

last friday went for class bbq at ecp.. it was a bad day. Rainy day.. wat a unlucky.. meet up with my fren at 3plus. reach marine parade and it was raining heavily.. den went parkway parade to shop awhile den continue to ecp as we tot the rain is stopping.
Well, it's not our day. the rain start again when we step into ecp. was all drench. Anyway, the food is nice. many people did not turn up. people like MZ. lol.. put aeroplane. haha.. And a surprise turn up of Alex, our ex classmate. haha

After the bbq, went to play mahjong at boon's house. This time round playing money. Won abit of money.. haha.. played from 12 plus to 3plus i think. haha..

Saturday, was supposed to go for a meeting at Syc in the morning..Some Soka university people came to singapore...Wasted.. nv go see japanese girls. haha.. anyway.. there will be alot of chance i guess. haha..
So slacked at home till evening time.. went to watch Norbit with Miss Wong. Quite a stupid show. haha..

Sunday, which was yesterday.. slack at home.. designing my new blog template as you now see.. at nite, went for supper and only i'm eating. haha. so after supper, Dan suggest for mahjong, and we went mahjong at, of cos is Boon's house.. played at around 1130. den Stan have to go home around 1am, so Conan take over. continue playing till 1 plus and we stop our 1st round. Planned to call mac delivery, but due to the 2dollar service which initially we tot not include, we canncelled the order.So Conan went hijack his dad's car den head down to Changi village to eat nasi lemak. haha. it's a dead town there..
So after that, went back to Boon's house and continue 2nd round. played from around 4 to 6plus am. First time we played 2 round.. and we used almost 5 hours for 2 round.. haha..
Reach home around 7am. and I slept till 2plus. look around, den continue sleep till 4pm. haha..

ok that's how i spent first few days of my holidays. Tml going to book basic theory den go KTV. and mayb steamboat tml. haha.. Enjoy life man.. haha..
Takecare everyone.. Smile.. Till den..