End 2007

another year passing. that's really fast..
too fast that I couldnt even catch a breath

it seemed like 2006 is yesterday only. but yet, now 2007 is coming to an end. I was reading thru my archives from end 2005 to start 2007. Alot memories flow back..

end 2005, started my very first chingay and as a trainer. Had wonderful times during chingay. The best part of my life I guess. Those bladers' outing and stuff. Chingay trainings every Wed and Sat. Post Celebrations, Heartlands performance blah blah blah..

Think the best is becos I got to know you and had you as my gf bah. Life in 2006 is pretty much filled with vibrant colours becos of you. As I read those posts bout you and stuff, den I realised how much good, great, fun, quality time I had with you. You have become part of my life since 1st June. I missed those times. Watching movies, shopping, talking on the phone at nite till the both of us fell aslp while phone is connected...having small small little quarrels with you, till now den I realised that I'm a super lousy bf. Not Able to make you happy yet always make you sad. I didnt do enuff for you. Neglected you becos of my sch projects for bout 1month. Didnt really chatted for that 1month. And yup, soon after that, we broken off. For wat reason, I dunno. mayb neglection is the reason bah. But den, I was so stupid to let you go when you asked if we should......

I miss your voice, your smile, 撒娇的模样, simply your everything,你的一切..
I wished I could tell you how much I miss you and you will know how much I missed you.
Time and time again when I msged you telling you how I feel, I gotten a heartbreaking replied. It seemed like you forgotten everything like right after we seperated. Sometimes I wondered, have you really forgotten, or you are just faking it. All I wanted to know now is Do You still have feelings for me. The way you replied to me seemed that your answer is no. Guess I'll nv know the answer.

I wondered why can you forget it tat quick. does it mean that you dun really love me. Oh well, nvm. I've always know that you love your first bf the most. think I'm just a small side-tracked character in your life. And I can't be compared to him. You asked me dun chant for your return, ha ha ha, i dun think even me chanting will change your mind. nvm...

I guess it's all bout me alone. Thinking too much, loving too much, missing too much.. I just couldnt let go. WHY. Cancerian.... -.-' oh well, I miss you though. Ok, not being emo here, just that, I MISS YOU SUPER DUPER DEEPLY.

2007, 5th Feb started my not that vibrant colored life.. still vibrant but not as much with you around.

I should have say, 2007 have been great too. different feeling of great. Firstly, something came into my life. not a person. but it's DANCE. yup. since last year june. till this year with really serious dance, it become my life. What does dance brings in for me? It brought alot of stuff to me. Happiness/Joy, Sadness, Frustration, Hardwork, Friendships. Came to realise and see more than wat I usually see. How a person behave, feels and blah blah blah. People could easily mistaken your words if you dont say it correctly and of cos, will think wrong. In another words, miscommunication. And I think sometimes people think too much and over interpret people's words. So one advice, think before talk, and read simple. dun read too much.

But what I like most is the friendship made thru dance.
Those in TPDE: from the seniors and juniors. Made some very good frens there..just like brothers and sisters.

and I'm very lucky and have good fortune to have a place where I can find comfort, Soka Gakkai. A very good fortune for me to be able to join UPz(Urban Passionz) and HRcrew(Human Revolution Crew). Although I joined UPz at a much later time and only started the crappy side of me on the very actual 1011 performance, I still love the people. lol.. so much fun. Although the age gap quite big lah. 7 years or even 13years gap. lol.. but, we are one big family in gakkai and we came together becos of DANCE. yeah.. Had alot of fun with them after the 1011, with those extra performance on 6th, 8th dec. Not forgetting 2212, ultimate F.R. I think our bond is quite strong although we like only know each other for 2months.
With all very interesting people around in UPz, Maggie Mee, Ma Ker Xiong, Candy Jie, Giffy, Xiao Mei Mei Eugena, Xiao Mar, Mega Ben and many many more.. lol..not forgetting Leya. Who has been our nanny ever since UPz started.

Personally I feel my 2nd half of 2007 is much better than the first.. 1st half was simply like screwed life with the break up.. Although periodically I will still feel emo and miss you. But with dance, those unhappy stuff simply was put behind.. =D

Hopefully 2008 would be a much better year for me although I know it will be more challenging with me going to 3rd yr in poly. Major Project and SIP.. Dance.. Gakkai Activities..Emotional feelings.. Hopefully I'll move on ahead new on a New Year bah.. =D

Bye Bye 2007...

大笨蛋

I AM FREAKING EMO-ING...

Thursday 27th dec.
Prepare and finally done with ur present. Laminated the portrait of you I drew.
Went out at 845pm.
reached compasspoint at around 945pm.
Sms-ed you at 1025pm and you are still out.
Bought a Oreo Cheesecake..
Tried walking to your house. but I'm lost. took lrt back to sengkang, den transferred to the one to your house.

Reached at around 1115pm.
12am. Msged and wished you happy birthday
1am, you are not back yet
almost 2am. and you are finally back.

haha. Imagine me sitting at the playground from 1130pm to 2am..
looking over to the cars that drive in every now and then to check whether if it is you coming back.
Fearing that I will see someone drive you back and my heart will break.
Singing all the songs I wanted to sing for you, but alone at the playground.
Waiting anxiously for your return as it is late and not safe in your area.

Anyway, put the present outside your door, and opps, you saw me and I finally see you.
But it's not a very good thing.

You read the letters I've wrote
You said you were moved by wat I wrote
But that doesnt changed the fact that we are not together.
You said Chant for watever I want but dont have to chant for you to be with me together.
You said maybe you werent meant for me.
Yup, like you said, at least we grew together..

Your words mean so much and at the same time my heart breaks even more.
Though I dun pinned too much hope, but still, the broken heart, once again, into pieces.

I walked aimlessly, from Fernvale LRT station, to Compassvale Station. Practically it's from 1 end to another end. 45 to 50 mins of walk. With each passing steps, I walked with heavy footsteps. A stone seemed to be blocking my heartbeat. And I seemed to left something behind.
Ah ya.. My heart is still left with you.

I was as always, this stupid. waiting for you for hours this time, reminds me of that time I waited for you under your previous home to be able to go up your house, for pratically 3-4hours as you have not woke up.
Why do I always wait? Cos I think the waiting is worthwhile.
But people would think I'm too free. wait for hours doing nothing.

All this 20years, I've been waiting.
Be it waiting for you, the person I admire during secondary.
I have always be the one waiting.
I dont grumble cos I'm a guy and I should wait.
Wait for the right one. wait for the time tat it's my turn to love.

Am I foolish or wat to still wait and hold on to some hope that you will be back with me?
I think I am.
This very moment I feels like
BANGING MY HEAD into the WALL.
THROW STUFFs and make a MESS.
A CAR TO BANG ME and make me lost my memories of you.
SHOUT OUT LOUD.
A SHOULDER FOR ME TO CRY ON.
A HUG that keep me comfort for at least a while. give me one if you see me EMO
no need for a listening ears, cos words cant express wat I wanna say.

JUNWEI IS EMO.
Lol.. oh well. this dont last long..
大笨蛋

haiz
Reached near TPE, den I took a cab back. it's super expensive taking a cab now. $10.20 from the express way of sengkang to my house. And I sit in the cab for less than 10min. The uncle still use phone while driving. Keep on the sign left/right every 10sec. Almost wanted to scold him as I'm in the lowest of the 10World - HELL. I wonder If he's drunk or wat..BOYCOTT cab..

ARGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
tears seems to be in the eye. but it cant get out.

Down

Sorry to make you guys worried. I'm fine. Just tat it's 5th of the month. Not I come "that one". lol.. just tat. aiya.. dunno how to say it out.

thanx for the concern of everyone. :)

it's just a day
images flash thru
seemed like it was only yest.
And I wished tat the time would stop
On the moment that I could still hold on to you.

A day and many other day

woah sian. Lao sai man.. nv go out.Supposed to work today, so pai seh tat put andreas aeroplane..
Ok, let's start off updating day by day if I could ever remember.

Monday 8/10/07
Went JB with dan and ray. Reach there around 11am. Den ate fishball noodle there before we go Citysquare shop and YES!! I finally got my shoes. It's like I went there few time nv got any shoes. This time I bought 2pairs. haha.. and I bought a Shirt. Printed- IPood. lol. amazing tee prints. haha.

Nike

DCSHOESCOUSA

Ok. We went watch I NowProunce You Chuck and Larry. it's like so cheap only lah. the price actually is 9Rm on Monday and Tuesday, but den we saw student price, so it's 6Rm. and we actually can use Singapore student card. lol. just tat they need photocopy. lol.. dunno for wat. mayb go borrow loanshark. haha. imagine 6Rm. which is only $2.60. somemore the seat is nice. Cathay mah. haha.. woah. if Singapore movie is so cheap, I think there wont be pirated CD liao. lol..

Ok. then after movie. walk around. den bought some portugese egg tart home to eat. quite nice.
A fruitful day. haha.

Tuesday 9/10/07
nothing much. morning met up with Joyce and Andreas and acc Andreas go studio Wu collect his free pass. den had lunch at "Lao pa sat" and went back to sch for musical trg. Had to show our item to the tp art director or something like that.

I guess I need more practice. a bit forgot my steps. haha. shit.

Wednesday 10/10/07
morning went for funeral- cremation day. so sad to see someone you love gone. But this is life. I can't help it. I tot I wont cry, and yes, I didn't cry. But tears came to me when I chant in the heart for my (Lao Dioh). I vividly remembered how healthy he used to look like. how big size he is and how cheerful he is. But he looked so thin when I saw him lying in the coffin and I didn't manage to see him the last time.

Many things went thru my mind while thinking of life and death. How do people cope with lost of loved ones. Like someone you always used to have him or her around and suddenly they are gone. The feeling is so indescribable. Life comes and go. I know it would be hard for the living ones to stay strong. In my opinion, I guess the living one should stay even stronger. Live better for the one that is gone. Creating more good values in ones' life and live it to the fullest. Never ever waste a single moment. Learning anything, Appreciate people or their work, encourage someone who is need it when they are down, stop complaining bout anything. Complain lead on to more negative stuff. Challenges/struggles in life should nv be easily taken or heck care bout. It's only thru struggles tat we will grow and become a better person and create values in own and others life.

haha. ok. abit random feeling here.

After the funeral, I went Ka La(Karaoke) with few people.
hmm.. Andreas, Andy, Joyce, Jean, Ah Foong, Mei chin, Mei Qi, Wei Qiang, Wei Rong, Unice. Should be all bah.. Sang from 1pm to 7pm. lol. Den we went to a place to eat. the name i think is Aston. forgot. katong area. not bad lah. quite nice to eat. but den squeezy.

After dinner, went play pool. it's like long time play once. I can't play. sucky. haha. so after which, went Parkway slack at the mac. and yah, Me and Mei qi was like Controlling ourself not to Pang Sai. lol.. Stomachahce. lol. No wonder today I lao sai. haha. shitty.. haha..

So we were "playing" the (Shoot Shag Marry). So they were asking random 3 different person name in Tpde. like who will you shoot(not your cup of tea), Shag(have sex with) and Marry. lol. it's so funny lah. then they anyhow name.. lol.. Quite a fun game to play. lol.

We conclude the most Shootalicious person, the Shaggable person and Marry-able person. Lol. For both guys and girls. lol.. I shall not say the name here. lol. Cos Some I oso forgot. lol..

Wei Rong(Superstars?)

Mei Qi(I look tall)

Didi(I'm still tall)

Wei Qiang(I'm still quite tall)

Andreas(The owner of the shades)

Meiqi with her funny faces(Unice look sad)

Meiqi, Jean, Unice(What's with that eye pose?)

At the Dinner

Unice Emo-ing

Take 1

Take 2.

End..

Random post. I still feel.

Gd morning...ok. the time now is 5.21am Wednesday. tat's early.. haha.
well, not that i wake up early. just tat i have not sleep yet.
oh well.. my day become night n my night become day. haha.. exams in like 60hrs more.
die.. not even one chapter i've done studying.

ok. went mac just now with yvonne to study awhile. yah. study.. but i didnt really focus. As always, cannot study with frens. lol.. think i'm best at studying alone. well.. read thru chap 6. and slack there. till bout 1am. den poof to hm..

ok. i think i super random today. and yup. so here's a random post..

i'm actually quite happy. you replied me. at last. well, sending you gd nite msg you wont reply,send you my emo msg you oso wont reply, send you sensei guidances den you will reply. asking why i suddenly sms you that. well, basically didnt only sent it to you. haha.. and i didnt expect you to reply. so yup.. exchanged few msg, and you stopped replying. -.-' why always like
that. Anyway, it's ok. You seemed fine. Life is so fun for you cos of ndp. haha.. bet you know some new guys. u say no one woo you, all too young or too old. lol.. anyway, i wanted to ask, so can i woo you again? yah. WANTED. but i didnt. cos i know once i said that, you wont reply. and if you reply the answer would be no, I guess. hmm.. well, of cos if I know you got
new guy i will be sad. and of cos, it's stupid of me. Just like the song I've wrote, 是我傻(Stupid me). well direct translate. haha. ok. digress. the lyric, is just wat I feel. Definately the song is for you. I've always, and still regard you as my gf. everytime when i say something that links with you, I say my gf blah blah blah. haha. ok. i'm sorry. I know you are not mine
now.. but den I just couldnt say ex gf. cos my heart still beats for you, at least till now it is still. I'm not sure whether you are reading this or not. mayb yes, mayb no.. I'm so contradicting.. want hope you will read. yet oso wont read it. dunno how you would react. or no reaction. Hope you read so you can reply wat i want to ask. but scare tat it's not the answer I want to hear. lol.. humans..

people told me to let go. yah. let go is easier to say than done. Last time I told my fren, let go bah, time would heal. Now is my turn. haha.. cause and effect..
well, I'm trying to let go. I'm really trying.
Dance and dance n dance.. nothing but dance.. but den, sometimes, some small stuff make me think of you. Small little action. or words.

Fireworks makes me think of the time we had last year.
my birthday reminds me of those sweet little present you made and gave me..
Songs I've always sing for you during all the night we were on the phone.
Bus 59 reminds me of the trips to your house.
the sport tat let us know each other-Roller blade..
Zoo day was a fun day with you.
Movies definately worth much more watching with you.
Staying up late at nite to help you with your work is a joy. Though I complaint. but dun mean it.
Those time tat I could hold your hand, seeing you falling aslp on my lap. I told myself.. I'm the most happiest and fortunate man, okok. I know I look young, so most happiest and fortunate boy in the world. Nothing else could be happier.

You said you felt insecured. Say it's time for me to look at only you. yah. of cos I dun deny I look at girls. But den, my heart doesnt beat for them. It only beats for you. But I didnt say it.
You came my house and cried suddenly, I knew something was wrong. And I guessed it right. I was afraid that I might lose you. tat time but then, thank you for still loving me after you think about it...
All I need is a little more time and I could acc you after I finish my proj. tat day I was quite happy cos of my new nice haircut(haha )and wanted to meet you, but you say your nephew going your house.So end up,we didnt meet. I was happy when I called you then, but our story ended that very day. I shouldnt have made the choice. I am fool.. I sounded I'm ok. I tot I'll be ok. But still... tears flows like FREEFLOW of drink for pizzahut buffet. lol..

bout 1month after we broke, you msged suddenly around 2am. said you were afraid, can't slp cos of new environment. didnt know who to sms den only could sms me. I'm so happy.. Yayness!! In my heart I thinking if i still have the chance. But den I dare not think too much. haha.. after which, no news from you.

have been sending bout 3 emo sms to you for the past months. Sorry if I irritate you.. but den, I just miss you.. I'm not going to send you anymore tat kind of msg. I guess I should move on.
I hope I can. But I still hope I got one more chance..

Dunno why but I can't fall into another r/s. It's seemed like u will appear in my mind when I tried to move on.. I still missing you.. it's badly. tat bad..

ok.. people.. i'm not being emo-ing here. so i'm fine yah. hahaha.. just feelings...

haha. woah. machiam just broke off. den write those stuff. haha. ok. i'm tired. ending off.. time now is 6.43am, wed. tata..
takecare and smile..

A promise and Now that she's gone

I know you might be reading this
but it's not written on purpose to let you see
just kinda of feeling emo recently.
but I guess I'll go on without you.

---

I don't bout you
But I do think of the times
we used to share together
it felt so sweet
but hurt so bad

Every thing keep flashing in my mind
the places we went
the things we've done
and the complains you had on me

The ticklish hand signature
and the stamp that comes after that
kinda of childish yet
it's the promise I've made

A promise that we will never be apart
it's being broken now
and never be mended
A memory that stay in the heart
once there

always there

---

Girl you know I miss you so
I didn't know you had to go
you've had enough of our distance baby
before I had the chance to say
I'm staying with youfor the rest of my life

Don't keep telling me these words
you don't know how much it hurts
and I'll promise you eternity
if you promise me your stay
but now it's too late
I'm no longer the man that I was

I will go on without her
like a fool who's too sure
I'm like a bird who's lost her wing
a fire without its flame
I don't know how to be strong
when my love has to move on
I am a song without a soul
now that she's gone
what's left of us is this song

Don't keep telling me these words
you don't know how much it hurts
and I'll promise you eternity
if you promise me your stay
but now it's too late
I'm no longer the man that I was

And I'll go on without her
like a fool who's too sure
I'm like a bird who's lost her wing
a fire without its flame
I don't know how to be strong
when my love has to move on
I am a song without a soul
now that she's gone
what's left of us is this song

Baby I know I'm a fool

And I will go on without her
like a fool who's too sure
I'm like a bird who's lost her wing
a fire without its flame
I don't know how to be strong
when my love has to move on
I am a song without a soul
now that she's gone
what's left of us is this song

This is our song without a soul
now that you're gone
what's left of us in this song

end. and a beginning

不在乎天长地久
只在乎曾经拥有
失去的是曾经拥有过的甜蜜
拥有的也只剩下回忆

你说完最后一句
当电话括断那一刻
落下则是心碎的泪
眼泪不受控制的流
我才发现
放手不是那么容易

故事就著样结束
从前的开心
也只能收藏进心里

希望你过得更好
祝你永远快乐